Happy End of Summer!
How can August be sighing to a close
and September panting just behind the door?
I just celebrated my birthday, for heaven’s sake.
But I shan’t complain. Life is good!
This is my new philosophy!
And what a fine birthday it was, too.
Celebrated in the green, moist, spectacular beauty of Pennsylvania on a perfect summer afternoon, in a 17th century stone farmhouse on the Delaware River shaded by giant elms, with fireflies in the yard, thunderstorms crossing the horizon, a platinum sunset, a table full of fine wines and delicious home cooking, and the company of joyous friends.
That’s me with my pal Garrett Brown, the silliest , and probably smartest man I know.
We are MELLOW!
What a fabulous time it has been since last I typed. Considering the state of the rest of the world, I am truly grateful for the joy and satisfactions of the last few months.
After the amazement of Tuscany ( last G&G column…AND we are going to be doing it again NEXT May, in case anyone wants to come sing in the hills of Chianti…keep your eye on the website…)
…we traveled to Scotland to celebrate George’s birthday in the home of our beloved friend Connie Ward, deep in the heart of Perthshire.
This is her house:
This is her house with sheep:
This is dear Connie giving George his birthday basket. There is Scotch in there somewhere:
It was like stepping into a Merchant Ivory novel. There is something to be said for manners and quiet elegance. I don’t experience it much, and it feeds my soul. Thank you, Connie
AND THEN… The BERKSHIRES!!!!
I had never been to the Berkshires. I had heard about them for years from all my East Coast friends… Tanglewood, Williamstown, Jacob’s Pillow. Yeah yeah, I thought. You Easterners and your fancy shmantzcy woods and art.
Well, darlings, it was FABULOUS!
Tanglewood is gorgeous!
ART permeates everything. It positively REEKS with culture. I couldn’t get enough.
NOW I understand!
Michele Brourman and I were there to do some concerts for the fine folks at Barrington Stages. We had a blast! They had a blast.
At the end of the first concert who should appear but the man who gave me my recording career long ago. Lincoln Mayorga, the man who played the piano for the film score of THE ROSE and who said to me, “I want to do an album with you ” lo, those many years ago. He who changed my life forever.
And at the end of the final show, who comes to joins us for after show libations but Marge Champion , my heroine, and Tom Jones. THE Tom Jones! Not the Welsh Tom Jones. (Although that would be okay too. He’s a hottie!)The Texas Tom Jones. The FANTASTICS Tom Jones! I was thrilled to death!
(Obviously, so was Michele.)
Whew!
Then I went home for a couple of weeks to pack for my next adventure and to add a new member to the family.
(Spats Domino, when he’s being good. Vlad the Impaler, when he’s being naughty.)
Then off to Yale to teach with the International Cabaret Conference for ten days.
Another extraordinary experience. Spectacular students! Wonderful teachers! Hideous dormitory mattresses (waffle irons covered in plastic.Why do they assume we will pee the beds? Because of our age????? Strange things do happen these days, but not THAT strange. YET!)
My room mate was Tovah Feldshuh.
Need I say more????
The second night of the conference all the teachers have to give a combined concert for students and anyone in New Haven who wants to attend. I was sitting in the theatre waiting for my sound check, and I had the privilege of watching Julie Wilson, the Empress of us all, and then Pam Myers, for whom Mr. Sondheim wrote ANOTHER HUNDRED PEOPLE, and then Rita Gardner, the ORIGINAL Louisa in FANTASTICS, as she sang TRY TO REMEMBER. I started to weep for the joy of being in the same room with these lovely, legendary women. I will savor these moments always.
(The teaching was pretty fun too.I like it more and more.)
I feel so lucky. Almost as lucky as HIM!
So now I am home and back to the garden, and the dogs and cats, and my beloved George, which makes me happy, and the bizarre pseudo-realities of MSNBC and health care initiatives, which makes me angry and I am facing the fact that summer is almost over.
I identify with THIS…
And this…
Here is the latest practical tip from my pal Rex. If it ever rains again in California, I am going to try this out.
Driving in a rain storm
GOOD VISION IN A DOWNPOUR
How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour:
We are not sure why it is so effective; just try this method when it rains heavily.
This method was told by a Police friend who had experienced and confirmed it. It is useful…even driving at night. Most of the motorists would turn on HIGH or FASTEST SPEED of the wipers during a heavy downpour, yet the visibility in front of the
windscreen is still bad……
In the event you face such a situation, just try your SUN GLASSES (any model will do), and miracle! All of a sudden, your visibility in front of your windscreen is perfectly clear, as if there is no rain.
Make sure you always have a pair of SUN GLASSES in your car, as you are not only helping yourself to drive safely with good vision, but also might save your friend’s life by giving him this idea..
Try it yourself and share it with your friends!
Amazingly, you still see the drops on the windshield, but not the sheet of rain falling. You can see where the rain bounces off the road.
It works to eliminate the “blindness” from passing semi’s spraying you, too. Or the “kickup” if you are following a semi or car in the rain.
They ought to teach this little tip in driver’s training.. It really does work.
Here is my favorite shaggy dog story of the moment:
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they all go?
Well, wonder no more.
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow … freeze a jolly good fellow … ”
And here’s my very favorite Letter of the Year!
THE TIMES – - Letter of the Year:
An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank
manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in
The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ’nanoseconds’ must have elapsed
between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1– To make an appointment to see me.
2– To query a missing payment.
3– To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4– To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5– To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6– To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7– To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8– To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9– To mak
e a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
Can anyone identify???????
So Autumn comes, and I resolve to do my best to keep hope in the fore front and fury in the back, and try to balance between the two. I think that must be the tango at this time in my life on this beautiful, beleagured planet.
When you have 7 minutes, check out this movie sent to me by Melissa Manchaester.
It is truly one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time.
I wish you a joyous Labor Day and a glorious Fall.
And remember, as Picasso said:
Age only matters when one is aging.
Now that I have arrived at a great age, I might just as well
be twenty!
Kisses,
Amanda