AUTUMN…..IT MUST BE AUTUMN…..
AUTUMN…..
IT MUST BE AUTUMN…..
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
HAPPY ELECTION DAY!
HAPPY NOVEMBER !!!!
WHEW!
What a couple of months it has been since last I typed! Are you as pooped as I am, by all the drama and costumes and elections and disasters and banks crashing and dollars rising and falling?
Where’s the XANAX ,I ask you?????
You know that ancient Chinese curse… “May you live in interesting times!”?
I say we qualify!!!!
But seriously…
Watching our California skies turn orange as the ghosts of trees and wild creatures and family memories drift through the air all around me is not my idea of Autumn color! May God comfort all who have lost their homes, and bless the heroes who have saved so much for so many.
And how was YOUR election night?????
We spent the whole night clutching our throats, holding our breaths, and finally weeping in amazement at the fact that miracles really do happen…
whether the candidate of your choice won or lost, dear friends, the fact that the country got her butt up off the couch and mobilized to such an enormous degree, was truly amazing. May that energy continue… may we not settle back into complacency or nostalgia or hopelessness but continue of a path of creating the change we want.
This e-mail is fitting for the moments just past:
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Democrat.”
I am, ” replied the man. ” How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican. ”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”
I think that covers us all…
And whether you support or do not support Prop 8…this photo makes me laugh a whole lot!
Aside from all this, Mrs. Lincoln….
I have been having a pretty grand old time!
A trip to Austin Texas to do some concertizing , where I reunited with three of my high school crushes…THREE…plus the teacher who started me down the path to acting…my beloved Mrs. Cowden. (You remember those few teachers that stay in your mind and your heart always? Who changed the way you looked at the world…who made you not afraid? She’s one of mine!)
I did find time, between warblings, to eat some fine deep fried pickles at my very favorite Austin restaurant…Chez Zee, run by one of my good college pals , Sharon Watkins, who decided running a restaurant was much more practical than being an actress.
Boy , is SHE sorry now!
If you are in the mood for French Toast marinated in creme brulee for three days, and then pan fried, this is your place! (With Paramedics on call at all times.)
As for the land of Jacques Brel…. we are ALMOST THERE, my friends. The CD is almost complete!
A few more overdubs…one more vocal with accapella back up harmonies by my favorite girl singers…
(I shouldn’t jest. I believe I wore my hair like that at some point, back when I had hair. And the glasses too.)
It has been a thrilling ride…and amazing gifts keeping appearing. First the divine Bruce Botnick, one of the GREAT producer/engineers of all time (started with the Doors, for those of you who remember) and who lives here in my home town, volunteered to engineer vocals for me. That’s sort of like Leonardo designing your album art.
(Remember albums? Remember album art????? Print that was large enough to read? Don’t get me started!)
This is Bruce.
And then, wonder of wonders, the greatest horn player on the planet, Mark Isham, agreed to add his beauty to a couple of the tunes!!! I couldn’t believe he said, “Yes”. When he first started to play, I was weeping so hard I had to step away from the mixing board so as not to drip tears into the electronics.
This is Mark playing.
This is me in heaven.
So, look for official announcements around the middle of December!
And look for me at the Metropolitan Room in NYC around Valentine’s Day
for the first East Coast performances of “Je T’Aime Jacques Brel”.
Meanwhile….
In the end of October, while others were planning their costumes for Halloween ( I only dress up in drag if you PAY me, these days!), and buying their pumpkins and bags of hermetically-sealed, impossible to open candies… (remember caramel apples? And Rice Krispie treats? ), I was having fun in Chicago at the Chicago Cabaret Professionals Gala, where I got to hear some wonderful people sing, walk the lake on a perfect autumn day, and even take home a lovely statuette for being able to still maneuver foundation garments and a Gershwin tune at the same time. I was quite honored to be selected as one of the outstanding cabaret artists of the year by the CCP.
And then I took my first trip to Maine, where I spent a week on a lake with loons and foliage (and lobster. Don’t forget the lobster!). I had never been to Maine, and only seen an eastern Autumn once (we don’t have real Autumn in Ojai…the palm trees drop their fruit. That’s about it.) , and nothing like this. It filled my heart with such joy. Here is a photo of autumn leaves and what they do to me .Bliss!!!
I actually had to write a poem about it.
EAST POND LAKE
A lake is different from an ocean
A gentler voice
Constant lapping chuckles
More amused
Less enthused
Than the crashing hiss
The sporadic breath
Of sea on sand
An Autumn lake
Is even more bemused
Wrapped in flame
And crimson falling lace
A dowager’s scarf
A bittersweet
Aging beauty
Apple crunching
Crisp clear cold
Makes the blood race
The mind focus
The eyes weep with wonder
At the perfection
The necessity of endings
No wonder Californians believe
They’ll never die
They have not seen
An Autumn lake in Maine
So now we face THE HOLIDAYS…..oh, NO!!!!!!!!
Turkeys and tinsel and relatives and cards and on and on. Talk me down, somebody!!!!
Actually, I LOVE this time of year…I am a maniac for this stuff. Not on the level of Martha Stewart… as I DO NOT COOK!!!!! But I love the rituals…and the excuses for calling old friends and the members of your family that you still like…and all the creative holiday foods.
For those of you who DO spend time in the kitchen, here are some intimidating images. Some photos of actual cakes (from Russia, where I guess they have TIME for this sort of thing)
And then there are the handy hints… Like this one…from the internet, OF COURSE!!!!!!
I would like to tell you of the benefits that plain little ole bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store… What does bleach cost?
My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don’t tell you about peroxide. Have you ever smelled bleach in a doctor’s office? NO!!! Why? Because it smells, and it is not healthy! Ask the Nurses who work in the doctor’s offices , and ask them if they use bleach at home. They are wiser and know better!
Did you also know bleach was invented in the late 40′s? It’s chlorine, folks! And it was used to kill our troops. Peroxide was invented during WWI in the 20′s. It was used to save and help cleanse the needs of our troops and hospitals.
Please think about this:
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe…) No more canker sores, and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash.
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs.
3. Clean your counters and table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day . My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes, and then blow your nose into a tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide-burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, faddish, or dirty blonde.
** It also lightens gradually, so it’s not a drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils fungus, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing pour it directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors. There is no smearing, which is why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without!
With prices of most necessities rising, I’m glad there’s a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner!
This information really woke me up. I hope you gain something from it, too. I’ve known that with an infection, a bit of peroxide on that will fizz and help to cure the infection. I’ve also known that if you had a dog that’s flea infested, a bit of peroxide in it’s bath water will kill them immediately. But never thought of all the above uses. It is a very useful bottle to have in your home.
Pass this on to ALL your friends and family
I especially like the part about fungus.
And AFTER you have indulged in that Thanksgiving feast,
IF you are over 40, and have to do a bit of de-toxing, here are words of wisdom from Dave Barry…
This is from Miami Herald’s newshound Dave Barry’s Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’
I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the moviPrep.
You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.
‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me. ‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies… Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’
6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!
10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
12. now I know why I am not gay.’
And the best one of all.
13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
I have to say, this one made me laugh so hard I had to change my underwear. I hope it made you do the same.
So….here are my latest cultural discoveries:
MOVIES: THE FALL( by the wonderful director who created THE CELL.)
TONY BENNETT: The Music Never Ends ( documentary…FABULOUS!)
BOOKS: EVELESS EDEN by Marianne Wiggins ( Gorgeous language and a great story)
MUSIC: JASON MRAZ: Waiting For My Rocket To Come ( joyous, smart new music!)
My favorite photo of the month…a rescued fawn, just days old, named Roscoe.
HUGE awwwwww factor!
My favorite motto:
For all my girl friends….
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders & says.. ‘Oh shit….she’s awake!!’
And my wishes for a joyous, generous Thanksgiving filled with acts of kindness done by you and to you.
Love,
Amanda
